By Israel Usulor
One of the hardest things to deal with in this life is heartbreak. Most times, it is unexpected. Heartbreak hurts like hell! It hurts like a slash of a sharp sword! The pain of heartbreak bites like the sting of a scorpion and tears through your heart like the sharp end of a poisoned arrow. The pain is real! I mean so real you could touch it with your fingers. You feel betrayed, cheated, rejected, and dumped. Many people who have gone through heartbreak never wish to experience it twice.
Why Heartbreak is hard to deal with
Dealing with heartbreak can be challenging especially when it involves a serious relationship or when you are dumped by a trusted partner with whom you have spent some lovely time. Whether you are dumped or you dumped someone, dealing with it can be a challenging task. I dare say that if not well handled, heartbreak can send you into a serious coma and depression or even alter the course of your life. Yes! It’s that serious. Heartbreak can ruin a life! But it can be perfectly handled such that the person comes out stronger, wiser, and better. Are you going through heartbreak or recently came out of one? If yes, this write-up is for you!
- Accept it and move on
The first step towards recovering from heartbreak is to accept that your heart has been broken and that the relationship has ended. Accept it as a reality you cannot change. It is only when you accept that both of you are no longer together that you can be able to make the necessary mental shift for permanent healing.
- Re-wire your brain
To recover from heartbreak, you need to make a serious mental shift. Our brain works like a machine. It can be re-wired to face a new direction. You have to move your brain away from your past relationship and focus on building your life. Focus on the future and the potentials you have. Take good care of yourself and look good. Don’t look unkempt and make sure you eat well. Encourage yourself and make your brain understand that it is not the end of life.
- Give yourself some space to mourn
I want to say that one of the most difficult things in life is losing a loved one. It is particularly difficult to say goodbye to someone with whom you have shared everything. You have sacrificed time, money, energy, and creativity for the relationship and in the end, you get dumped or you have to go because it didn’t work out. You feel sapped and drained. To deal with this feeling, you have to take out time and mourn. You have lost something valuable and dear to you. Don’t stop yourself from crying if you wish to. Express your grief and let it out. Suppressing it would worsen your situation.
- Reflect on what went wrong
There is always a reason for a breakup. What went wrong in your relationship? Was it your fault or that of your partner? Be frank to yourself. Open up to yourself. If it was your fault, accept it and forgive yourself. Every heartbreak makes you a better person, and this an opportunity for you to be better in your next relationship. If it was your fault, what attitudinal changes are you willing to make so as not to lose your next partner?
- Maintain a reasonable distance for your ex
For your broken heart to begin the process of healing, you have to maintain a reasonable distance from your ex-lover. Avoid all possible contacts since this will make you relapse to the past and depression. Let your ex know that you need time to recover and that you may not be able to answer calls, return texts messages, e-mails or return calls as usual. You must also keep off social media and don’t fall into the temptation of constantly checking the social media contacts of your ex. Facebook, Twitter, Whatsapp, and any other place you see your ex, is a threat to your recovery.
- Get rid of things that remind you of your ex
There may be things in your life that point directly to your ex. For instance, birthday gifts like phones, pieces of jewelry, clothes, handbags, and even an apartment, if both of you stayed together should be replaced. Don’t throw them away. You will need them later when your heart calms down.
- Don’t go into another relationship yet
Most times people are tempted to start another relationship immediately after one ends. Some use this to heal, others just want to show the ex that “there is much fish” in the river. Well, it’s fine if it works for them. But the most ideal thing to do is to stay in our relationship for a while. This helps you to re-position your heart and mind for something new. You have to properly digest the lessons learned from your previous attempt.
- Make new friends but not a commitment
Heartbreak must not make you a recluse! Go out and hang out with friends. Make new friends of both sexes. Don’t hate the opposite s**. However, hesitate to make new emotional commitments since your heart may still be colored by your previous experience which can negatively affect your judgments of what you want from a relationship.
- Don’t hate your ex
Yes, this may appear tricky, but it’s necessary for you to heal and heal well. Some bitter hearts go as far as wishing to plan attacks or even wishing their ex death. This is not proper. Hating your ex will do you no good. In the short run, it helps you to “revenge” at the early stage of your heartbreak. But as days and weeks pass, expunge hatred from your heart. Hatred is a poison and it gradually eats you up even if you have moved on. To truly move on, you have to let go and forgive your ex. This will bring you true healing.
10. Finally, when you are ready, fall in love again. Never be afraid, or allow your past to determine your new life. You have obviously learned some lessons from your experience, and also known what you want from a relationship. You are in a position to become a better lover. Go ahead and catch fun with a new date.